MJC alumni dinner

lets see, what to talk about. just got back from the dinner. it was ok. can do. lets see, i was supposed to meet duan hui at 6.30. but ended up waiting till around 7 cos she overslept. but that was ok. didn't wanna go in so early by myself anyway.

performances by the choir, band and guitar ensemble. choir and band were good. really enjoyed them. wanted to give a standing ovation for the choir but we were unsure of when they were going to do their last song. so missed the opportunity. never mind. next time they have a performance, we'll all go and cheer them on! the guitar ensemble was SO boring. they played "the entertainer" and "pink panther theme". but we were fighting off sleep as we listened to them. thank goodness miss lai didn't give a speech.

the juniors ran off the minute their performance ended so we had to run to catch them for photos. sigh. they could have stayed. the band stayed and gatecrashed the dinner. anyway, not much worth mentioning. oh ya, naresh was around. haha! for once. saw dr s, miss ho, mdm heng. yup. talked with mdm heng for a while. not much. none of my classmates were around. so me, myself and irene, was the only A101 there. sigh. the turnout was quite small. all the prominent people like nuha and denise weren't there. my guy was though (more on that later).

yup, so the usual photo taking sessions. dr s had to run off quite early for a family dinner. so sadly she didn't stay long. lucky we caught her as she was running off. we were sitting, eating in the dark on the bridge thingy (for the tables there) and we saw her with howard as her escort. we were saying, howard should lay the red carpet and open the car door for her while we cheer her on and give her a Royal farewell from the bridge. haha!

right. not much else to talk about. bit disappointed that none of my classmates turned up. i expected at least bra to show up. but .... sigh.
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all righty, been dying to talk about my guy (it's just habit that i'm calling him that). just to get him outta of my system for a while. today was the first time i saw him in a year. and he didn't act like i was invisible, like he did the last time. but he was definitely avoiding me. i was avoiding him too. so maybe it's mutual. afraid of the awkwardness. and as usual, i was watching him from afar. my girlfriend said that he was looking at me too. anyway, i should have gone and talked to him. there was a perfect opportunity when he was standing all alone by himself. i could have just gone up and like "hi (insert name)! nice to see you again. how's life?" you know? small talk. at least then, i'd get some insight into what' s happening on his side. i miss him. i've never denied that. but i wanna respect his decision.

but i don't know what he's thinking. maybe i'm just nursing a pipe dream. this time last year, after i told him, he said that he'd write to me in reply. but he never did. maybe he never planned to. there was a time when my girlfriends entertained the possibility that he did write and the letter got lost. some even contemplated asking him outright, confronting him but didn't in the end. of course, if u still wanna ask him, go ahead, be my guest. but don't say i sent you.

maybe it would have been better if i didn't see him tonight. not let him give me hope that a friendship would still be possible between us. then maybe he'd just remain a figure of my fantasies. now, today, after seeing him again, i'm thinking, should i reopen communication with him? nothing direct lah. maybe just email. but i remember telling him that if he decides that i scare him too much (he's kinda shy) i'd leave him alone. i've left him alone for the past year. he never told me his decision. someone tell me what should i do?

sigh. such crushes are crazy. i should just find myself a boyfriend and forget about him. maybe that's why i'm going gaga over clay and romantic comedies. maybe i'm just trying to fuel my romantic inclinations and live through other people's romances. it's a sad life i know. and i don't expect to find anyone special anytime in the near future. haiz. complicated.

if life's a stage, then who's the director and why won't he call a cut and rewind to edit a scene?